Bullies grow up to be Bullies!

Anyone who knows me well knows that I was bullied as a kid growing up in a rural community school. I was taunted, called names, ostracized, demeaned, physically assaulted… It was psychological warfare on a tiny but nasty scale.

Unfortunately for me, no one really knew anything about bullying at that time. It was not even a word we used, let alone a concept we discussed or a behavior we acknowledged. Bullies had the run of the show. Victims ran for cover in as much as it was possible but, in a small environment, there are virtually no places to hide. I felt ashamed. You see, something must have been fundamentally wrong with me to warrant attacks of the nature I was subjected to. I did not talk about it and my parents were ill-equipped to handle a problem they were only vaguely aware of and the school ignored outright, despite the fact it was happening right under teachers’ noses.

My, how have times changed… right? With the level of information and education out there about bullying, you would think that statement would be true. But with the reality of cyber bullying, it is not only still happening, it is far more prevalent and insidious nowadays. Still today, victims are further victimized by a system that just isn’t cutting it by dealing with the bullies and, as a result, are becoming a semblance of bullies themselves by helping to perpetuate a problem they turn away from in the hopes that it will simply go away.

What is the solution? That is the question of the century and it cannot be one-faceted. It has to include a team of people to educate, to integrate, to work cooperatively and, dare I say, collaboratively. Sometimes, to trigger that intervention, you have to “bully” the bullies! Not the ones initiating the bullying but the second-hand ones who perpetuate the problem by hiding their heads in the sand until it is no longer feasible to do so. In other words, you have to push through until you get somewhere.

Working with such government organizations as the Youth Advocate Office when you meet dead ends can be extremely valuable. And, yes, sometimes having legal representation to bring the seriousness of a problem to the forefront can be an answer. As long as the process is contemplated with a view of resolution, cooperation and collaboration, it can be a very productive, positive and empowering process. Court should always be an absolute last resort.

So, let’s switch gears for a minute. Why should we, as a society, bother you say? Let the parents who’s kid is being bullied deal with it. We’ve heard the comments and arguments: bullying is a fact of life – deal with it; it is kids “just being kids”; hey, it’s a way of weeding out the heard… The problem with that attitude is that bullies grow-up to be bullies. They are then bullies in their workplace, in their relationships with others, in their marriages, with their children and the cycle starts over. Is it not our responsibility as a society to put an end to bullying, wherever it takes place?

I do realize this seems to have very little to do with Collaborative Law. But, oddly enough, it is one of the major hurdles in a collaborative process: dealing with the bully in the room. Luckily, collaborative lawyers are trained to deal with a myriad of personalities and to gently but firmly push back when it’s called for in the process.

Although I have taken a very roundabout way of getting here, it is important to start at the beginning. We can make a difference, each and every one of us. For me, doing what I do is my way of fighting back, albeit with a much more subtle and diplomatic arsenal. But it works and it is a much more productive, positive, engaging way of empowering people than a long, protracted and destructive court process which can, in and of itself, perpetuate exactly what we are trying to eliminate.

The journey in dealing with bullying can and will almost always be long, arduous and emotionally taxing. But, depending on how you choose to handle it, the results are encouraging, empowering and rewarding, not only for the victims, but also for the people involved in making a difference in a victim’s life. Everyone has value and worth. Sometimes, standing up to say just that is the number one step.

What do you think?

Please share your insights and thoughts at http://thibaultjoneslaw.blogspot.com/ or http://www.facebook.com/ThibaultJonesLaw.

*This article is not to be construed as legal advice. If you require legal advice on this or any topic, please contact us.

Nathalie is an experienced legal professional who has focused her career on working with people and trying to help them find solutions that minimize the impact of divorce on their families. She is passionate about collaborative law and how it can improve the process for her clients. Collaborative law can significantly reduce the time, cost and strain of going through a divorce and Nathalie is one currently practicing in Saint John. Although Nathalie is passionate about collaborative law, and has spent several years building her knowledge and practice in this area, her experience is built on a strong, broad foundation of wider legal expertise that includes everything from litigation to wills and estates. Nathalie’s goal is to work with every client to identify the right services and approach for them. of the few experts in this approach

Changing jobs when you’re paying child support

Most people know they can’t simply quit their job when they are paying child support.

But what most people don’t know is that, when they are employed, they have an obligation to also ensure that, if they change employment, it is done reasonably. If not, the payor parent could face repercussions and end up paying child support on the income he or she used to earn as well as high arrears and costs.

Section 19 of the Federal Child Support Guidelines states that a court may impute income if a payor parent is intentionally unemployed or underemployed. Courts in

New Brunswick have defined that “intentional” doesn’t necessarily mean “on purpose” and have adopted the “reasonableness” test: was it reasonable for the payor parent to change jobs? If so, then the payor parent is not intentionally underemployed. If not, then what is the income the Court should impute that parent for the purpose of determining the appropriate amount of child support payable.

Needless to say, if or when a payor parent is faced with the possibility of changing employment for lesser income and they wish to obtain a variation of child support based on the new income, they need to be cognizant that it is not as simple as it looks. If you or someone you know is faced with a similar situation, whether you are the payor parent or the recipient, our advice is: Seek Legal Advice! 

Thanks for reading,

Nathalie

*This article is not to be construed as legal advice. If you require legal advice on this or any topic, please contact us at (506)849-0900 or another family law lawyer near you.

J. Nathalie Thibault Jones, LLB

Nathalie is an experienced legal professional who has focused her career on working with people and trying to help them find solutions that minimize the impact of divorce on their families. She is passionate about collaborative law and how it can improve the process for her clients. Collaborative law can significantly reduce the time, cost and strain of going through a divorce and Nathalie is one of the few experts in this approach currently practising in Saint John. Although Nathalie is passionate about collaborative law, and has spent several years building her knowledge and practice in this area, her experience is built on a strong, broad foundation of wider legal expertise that includes everything from litigation to wills and estates. Nathalie’s goal is to work with every client to identify the right services and approach for them.

You can learn more about Nathalie at Thibault Jones Collaborative Law website or ...

Excerpt from Tug of War: A Judge’s Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles, and the Bitter Realities of Family Court

by Mr. Justice Harvey Brownstone

“Why is litigation such a damaging and destructive way to resolve parental disputes?  The answer is simple: the court system is based on an adversarial process in which “winning” is the object of the exercise.  Parents who should be on the same team for their children’s sake become hostile adversaries in a courtroom.  They focus all of their attention and efforts on emphasizing each other’s shortcomings and failings over the life of the relationship.  Some people point out that in recent years, efforts have been made by lawmakers and co9urts to soften the rules and treat family law cases with more humanity and sensitivity than other lawsuits.  However, the fact remains that family litigiation is still litigation, and any lawyer or judge will tell you that a lawsuit is a most unpleasant and highly competititive way to resolve a dispute.  If the parties to a lawsuit have to keep dealing with each other for many more years, as is the case with parents, the effects of litigation on their ability to do so amicably can be tragic and long-lasting.  Believe me when I tell you that litigation is not a friendly exercise.  But that is not the only reason why it should be avoided whenever possible.”

Stay tuned to find out more…

The Changing Face of Family Law

There is a phenomenon sweeping across North America and other parts of the world in the practice area of Family Law. It is Collaborative Law. You may have heard of it, if not, you will.

Collaborative family law is a rapidly growing trend in North America and around the world. The concept emerged from a lawyer in Minnesota, Stu Webb, who wanted to focus his efforts on a peaceful resolution through negotiation with open, honest and respectful dialogue. And the concept of Collaborative Law was born.

Over the years it has matured and many families have remained connected even though the marriage dissolved. Studies have shown that this practice has significantly reduced the negative effects on the children of the marriage, has maintained respectful relationships between the opposing parties, has allowed the parents to remain parenting together for life, and typically is less expensive than a traditional, adversarial divorce.

Collaborative law is also used in other areas of law such as settling business issues, employment issues, and many others. However, the vast percentage of collaborative law cases is in the family practice.

The family at Thibault Jones understands divorce and the drastic negative impact it has on all parties for years. Our goal is to ensure that dynamics remain positive and productive during, and after, the finalization of a relationship.

When children are involved, the paramount concern for us is to protect the children from the harsh and cruel realities that family breakdown create. Most of the negative impact results from acrimonious and disrespectful negotiations and court battles between the very parents that love them dearly. During the height of the emotional battle that rages, many times very loving and caring parents lose sight of the effects their actions have on their children. They are occupied trying to resolve their own emotional breakdown. There is no question that marital breakdown has devastating effects on all the parties. It is our desire and focus to work through their legal differences as respectfully and peacefully as possible. We also strive to see the parties remain parents for life and work together in the best way they can.

We will continue to discuss the different aspects of collaborative and family law here on our blog. If this topic interests you, please follow us as we explore the great benefits collaborative law offers.

We will see you soon....

TJ