Unfortunately for me, no one really knew anything about bullying at that time. It was not even a word we used, let alone a concept we discussed or a behavior we acknowledged. Bullies had the run of the show. Victims ran for cover in as much as it was possible but, in a small environment, there are virtually no places to hide. I felt ashamed. You see, something must have been fundamentally wrong with me to warrant attacks of the nature I was subjected to. I did not talk about it and my parents were ill-equipped to handle a problem they were only vaguely aware of and the school ignored outright, despite the fact it was happening right under teachers’ noses.
My, how have times changed… right? With the level of information and education out there about bullying, you would think that statement would be true. But with the reality of cyber bullying, it is not only still happening, it is far more prevalent and insidious nowadays. Still today, victims are further victimized by a system that just isn’t cutting it by dealing with the bullies and, as a result, are becoming a semblance of bullies themselves by helping to perpetuate a problem they turn away from in the hopes that it will simply go away.
What is the solution? That is the question of the century and it cannot be one-faceted. It has to include a team of people to educate, to integrate, to work cooperatively and, dare I say, collaboratively. Sometimes, to trigger that intervention, you have to “bully” the bullies! Not the ones initiating the bullying but the second-hand ones who perpetuate the problem by hiding their heads in the sand until it is no longer feasible to do so. In other words, you have to push through until you get somewhere.
Working with such government organizations as the Youth Advocate Office when you meet dead ends can be extremely valuable. And, yes, sometimes having legal representation to bring the seriousness of a problem to the forefront can be an answer. As long as the process is contemplated with a view of resolution, cooperation and collaboration, it can be a very productive, positive and empowering process. Court should always be an absolute last resort.
So, let’s switch gears for a minute. Why should we, as a society, bother you say? Let the parents who’s kid is being bullied deal with it. We’ve heard the comments and arguments: bullying is a fact of life – deal with it; it is kids “just being kids”; hey, it’s a way of weeding out the heard… The problem with that attitude is that bullies grow-up to be bullies. They are then bullies in their workplace, in their relationships with others, in their marriages, with their children and the cycle starts over. Is it not our responsibility as a society to put an end to bullying, wherever it takes place?
I do realize this seems to have very little to do with Collaborative Law. But, oddly enough, it is one of the major hurdles in a collaborative process: dealing with the bully in the room. Luckily, collaborative lawyers are trained to deal with a myriad of personalities and to gently but firmly push back when it’s called for in the process.
Although I have taken a very roundabout way of getting here, it is important to start at the beginning. We can make a difference, each and every one of us. For me, doing what I do is my way of fighting back, albeit with a much more subtle and diplomatic arsenal. But it works and it is a much more productive, positive, engaging way of empowering people than a long, protracted and destructive court process which can, in and of itself, perpetuate exactly what we are trying to eliminate.
The journey in dealing with bullying can and will almost always be long, arduous and emotionally taxing. But, depending on how you choose to handle it, the results are encouraging, empowering and rewarding, not only for the victims, but also for the people involved in making a difference in a victim’s life. Everyone has value and worth. Sometimes, standing up to say just that is the number one step.
What do you think?
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*This article is not to be construed as legal advice. If you require legal advice on this or any topic, please contact us.
Nathalie is an experienced legal professional who has focused her career on working with people and trying to help them find solutions that minimize the impact of divorce on their families. She is passionate about collaborative law and how it can improve the process for her clients. Collaborative law can significantly reduce the time, cost and strain of going through a divorce and Nathalie is one currently practicing in Saint John. Although Nathalie is passionate about collaborative law, and has spent several years building her knowledge and practice in this area, her experience is built on a strong, broad foundation of wider legal expertise that includes everything from litigation to wills and estates. Nathalie’s goal is to work with every client to identify the right services and approach for them. of the few experts in this approach
